That’s Life 7/2/2010

Brother, can you spare a quarter?

My four-year-old son goes to get a haircut willingly because he knows there's a gumball or two in it for him at the other end.

On the Sunday before the three weeks when observant Jews refrain from cutting hair as a sign of mourning for the destroyed Temples in Jerusalem, the barbershop was crowded. As we waited, a man seated next to the gumball machine asked if I had a quarter for a gumball. I checked that I had enough quarters for my boys and said sure. I laughed to myself when he popped the gumball into his own mouth, and laughed a little harder when he failed to offer two dimes and a nickel in return, as I had expected. I said nothing.

Later, while getting my hair cut, I noticed the man walk out of the shop and asked the barber about him. Why did I want to know? I told my story, then burst out laughing when the barber replied: "Who knows how many businesses in Borough Park that guy and his brother own?"

That would have been end of the story had the man not then walked back into the shop, and had the barber, to my discomfort, not begun speaking to him, in Russian, apparently asking why he was schnorring change off of the other customers.

The man became upset, wanted to know why I said anything, and advised me to not be so cheap. He approached my chair and waved a fat roll of $100 bills in my face, informing me that he has plenty of money but no change.

At that point, annoyed, and realizing that the man with no loose change clearly had a loose screw, I told him to get lost, but perhaps I should have said, "Do you have a $100 for a gumball?"

Mayer Fertig

Dear That's Life,

There have been times where I have wondered what it would be like to be someone else. It's not that I do not love or enjoy my life, because I do. But maybe live someone else's life for a little bit? Step into someone else's shoes? It actually sounds like fun. I cannot imagine someone feeling that way about stepping into my life, but being someone else for a little bit seems like an adventure, and I like a challenge.

Maybe that is what the gentleman who I found sitting it the front seat of my car was thinking. I was in the dry cleaners picking up my clothing when I noticed someone in the driver's seat of my car that was not I, my husband or anyone else I knew. A complete stranger had put his dry cleaning in my car and then sat himself down in my seat. (And please do not ask me why my car was unlocked. That is not the point of the story and you know you don't lock your doors either when you are picking up your dry cleaning.)

It is possible he was not thinking about stepping into my life at all when he stepped into my car. He could have just been in a daze. We've all been out to lunch at one point - I've even tossed my wallet in the garbage. And he was pretty stunned when I motioned to him that he was in my car, not his. In fact, at first he did not understand what I was saying.

"You're in my car," I said loudly, pointing to the license plate, only to receive a perplexed and blank stare in return. I said it again, now a little unsure that I was right because he was not moving, but reassured by the telltale Hatzalah placard in the front window, along with the numerous car seats.  Yet, still, he did not move and I got closer to my car. "You are in my car!" I said one last time, at which point the gentleman jumped as if awaking from a dream and got out of the vehicle.

Totally embarrassed and profusely apologetic, my unexpected guest quickly opened a backseat door to remove his dry cleaning. His car was parked next to mine and while the two vehicles did not resemble each other, he simply had not been paying attention. He said he had noticed that the interior of the car was different and continued to babble nervously. Having to adjust the seat when he got into the car could have been a dead giveaway, but I guess that did not happen. I assured him, however, that no harm was done: his key would not have worked.

Whether he wanted to or not, this gentleman stepped right into my shoes that morning almost perfectly.   In anyone else's life, this kind of thing would be out of the ordinary. In my world, however, it is just another day. Crazy follows me everywhere.

MLW