Ask Aviva: Wit's end and perfect friend
Dear Aviva,
I am a new mom. A friend of mine also recently gave birth 4 months after I did. While I have been grappling with mixed emotions, being in physical pain after giving birth, suffering from major sleep deprivation and just the general craziness of adjusting to motherhood, my "perfect" friend seems to have bounced back the minute she came home from the hospital. A few days after giving birth she strutted into my living room, wearing actual clothes (read: no sweats and oversized sweatshirt for her!) I asked her how she was doing, thinking, she can confide in me, I know how it is! But instead her reply was that everything was fine— she felt great, baby slept through the night, everything was picture perfect. She left while I was left feeling frazzled, confused, but mostly jealous. How is it that I feel so much at my wit's end all of the time? I literally feel like my nerves are frayed from this new adjustment.
-Frazzled Mom
Dear Frazzled Mom,
First of all, mazel tov!! And I mean that in the literal sense: Good Luck, honey! You’re gonna need it to take care of a little one while trying to take care of your post-partum self.
Now take a deep breath because I want to talk to you about something. Obviously I can’t diagnose over the paper, but the way you’re describing your frayed nerves, I smell scents of post-partum depression. As my readers know, post-partum depression is very different than clinical depression. PPD actually looks more like anxiety than like sadness. I think it would be wise to get yourself assessed by a professional to see if you have it. If you do, it is so easily treatable (and some drugs are safe during nursing).
Now regarding your friend, let's turn her into a good influence. If you find yourself jealous and not up to par, work on telling yourself that every parent parents differently, and it’s perfectly ok for you to not get dressed if it’s hard for you (but try not to go two consecutive days without getting dressed. That could make anyone depressed.)
