Ask Aviva
57 results total, viewing 1 - 10
Dear Aviva, I have both a friend and a relative with the same issue. If they have a problem with something that I’ve said or done, they will not call me out on it immediately and appropriately, instead they let it fester and brew and not mention anything about it. They may avoid me until one day, weeks later, something may trigger it and they blow. Both these people have had hard lives, and I feel like they take things harder when someone wrongs them. When they finally come out and say why they are upset, they end up standing there blubbering and crying and I feel absolutely no rachmanos for them. They should have said something before! How can I avoid this or handle it better in the future? -Irritated Irritant more
Dear Aviva, I will not give out my age or my gender. I merely would like to put out there that I feel under-appreciated and unloved. -Itty-Bitty more
Dear Aviva, I’m pretty disappointed with a lot of people. I was raised in a Zionistic family, attended Zionist schools and have actually practiced what they all preached. I made aliyah two years ago after completing Shana Bet here in Israel. I’m here because I was taught that this is where a Jew belongs. I am making sacrifices to be here. None of my American teachers who’ve instilled these values in me have moved here, and my family has yet to emigrate. I’m happy to be living here, but at the same time I’m really mad at the hypocrisy that I was exposed to. more
Dear Aviva, After a few years of numerous unsuccessful shidduch dates, I believe that my bashert has finally arrived. We’ve been together for two months so far. When we date, our conversations are deep, we share plenty of laughs, a common background and outlook on life. But when we’re on the phone, I’m still unsure how to talk to her, and how to avoid making a date feel like an interview, when to introduce her to my folks, and when to pop the question. I love her, but I have never gone this far before. How should I proceed from here? -Cautious Companion more
Dear Aviva, I’ve been married 3 months and have been trying to get my husband to come with me to therapy since we got engaged. He’s a very private person and refuses to talk to anyone about anything private in his life. We’ve had a few disagreements in the past and they always blow up into huge arguments. I really think therapy would help us figure out how to communicate better, but I can’t seem to get him to agree to go to one. Any ideas? Thanks. -Befuddled Bride more
Dear Aviva, I’m not sure if I have a problem or not. My friends and a few random strangers are making me think that I do. I like to be different. So when I go to a simcha, I don’t want to blend in with the typical black dress. I like color and flair, and unique clothing and accessories. I like to be noticed. I always dress tzniusdik, but I know that I stand out. My husband has no problem with how I dress, but my friends make comments that I should dress softer, and I do see people whispering and looking at me sometimes. Do I have a problem? -Flamboyantly Fashionable more
Dear Aviva, My husband and I are in our late seventies and are proud grandparents. Our first grandchild just became engaged to a lovely young man. They are planning on marrying in Israel in a few months. I cannot attend, since I am responsible for taking my husband to dialysis and caring for him. Our children or grandchildren help out the few times that I am not able to take him, but all of our family will be at the wedding and I do not feel that it would be right to leave him with someone who is unfamiliar with his situation. I have been dreaming of my granddaughter’s wedding from the time that she was a very young child and cannot come to terms with this concept of not attending. more
Dear Aviva, I have been divorced for 5 years and am serious about getting remarried. I don’t have any kids, I present myself well and have a decent job that I’m happy with. I know that it is much easier for me to find dates since I am a guy, but I am having trouble finding the type of woman that would fit my haskafa. more
Dear Aviva, My husband and I are doing something that we never thought we would do. We are going to our son and his wife for the upcoming yomim tovim. First of all, we are only in our 50s and perfectly capable of still hosting the family. Second of all, our daughter-in-law is not quite domestic, and we are concerned that the food will not be up to par. (We have past experience with this). And third, our son has adopted various minhagim along the way and my husband gets pretty insulted that he doesn’t follow what he grew up with. I think we are in need of some survival tips. -Hungry and Offended more
Dear Aviva, My husband and I have been married a couple months, and so far we think our marriage is great. But we’re a little nervous—how do we maintain a healthy, loving marriage for a lifetime? Do you have any pointers for cultivating a lasting, happy marriage? — Keeping the Bliss more
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