That's Life 3-13-09

Issue of March 13, 2009 / 17 Adar 5769

Dear That’s Life,

Well, well, well. Everyone needs a break every once in a while and coming back to life’s normal state of affairs is often a transition and takes some getting used to. It’s like the day after vacation –– you’re happy to be back but you just have to get all the gears going again.

I had not been back in shul in a while –– not because I needed a break, but because my youngest children are too young for Shabbos morning groups. As a result, I stay home with them. Last week, however, my husband went to the hashkamah (early) minyan and so I had the unique opportunity to escort my big ones to shul and enjoy the davening.

Admittedly, I had a cough when I went to shul. It wasn’t a ‘hacking, quasi-typhoid’ kind a cough, but it was a ‘we live in New York and it’s winter’ kind of cough. Many others in shul seemed to be coughing as well. I guess they live here, too.

Sitting down in the same area I sit in when I do make it to shul and where I have sat for the Yomim Noraim (high holidays) for the past 10 years, I was warmly greeted by familiar faces in the rows in front and behind me, and wished them each a good Shabbos. It was nice to be back in shul. As the davening continued, I coughed a couple of times and it did seem as if one of the people in front of me was not as happy for me to be in shul as I was.

Her body language spoke volumes. It began with the looks, then the moving of her coat, then the continued shifting of her body in her seat –– all of which screamed that I was clearly annoying her. Honestly, I must not have realized how often I was coughing, although I really don’t think it was excessive, but I covered my mouth and turned away each time. Clearly, she disagreed.

“You’re not covering your mouth when you cough,” she said. “Excuse me?” I replied. “Of course I am.” My mother, sitting right next to me, did not have time to react –– was her parenting being questioned? Had no one ever taught me to cover my mouth when I coughed? Somebody must have, because I do.

“I’ve been watching you,” she continued. “You’re not covering your mouth.” “I’m sorry but I am,” I said again, but I was not convincing. “Well, you’re not doing a good enough job,” she said, “and I’m very susceptible to colds!”

I suddenly became aware of more and more people in the shul who were coughing, but it didn’t matter because this wasn’t worth it –– and so I offered to move. “Would you like it if I changed my seat?” I asked, to which she replied, “Well, I am not going to tell you what to do...” but that was obviously her preference. “It’s no problem,” I said, and I scooted down to the other end of the row, where someone I have known for years was sitting.

“What just happened?” she asked me and I quickly summed it up in one or two sentences. “Doesn’t she know who she’s dealing with?” she asked. “I guess not,” I replied. “And you’re going to write about this, aren’t you?” she continued. “Yes, I am,” I answered.

Truth is, once I moved, I stopped coughing. Maybe it was her coat, maybe it was dust in the area –– who knows? But I was a pretty silent member of the shul for the rest of davening. Interestingly enough, my mother followed me down the row a couple of minutes later –– but not before she coughed. She didn’t cough to be mean or to make a point –– my mother isn’t like that. She coughed because, well, she had to. It’s one of those things the human body has to do every once in a while –– and yes, she covered her mouth. My bubby had taught her well. However, that was the cough that broke the camel’s back (or was it ‘the cough heard ‘round the world?’) –– the other lady promptly picked herself up in the middle of the guest speaker and walked out.

After shul was over, the person sitting in front of me turned around and smiled.

“Don’t be angry,” she said. I knew to what she was referring –– I just didn’t realize how many people must have been watching what was going on. “I’m not upset at all,” I said, and honestly, I wasn’t. “But I don’t understand,” she continued, “why didn’t that lady just move?” Funny, I thought, I was wondering the same thing myself.

Welcome back, everybody.

MLW

Dear That’s Life,

A number of weeks ago, my cousins took me out for dinner to celebrate my birthday. We went into Manhattan on a mozta'ei Shabbat and the restaurant seemed pretty full –– with what appeared to be couples and dates. I quickly realized what day it was.

“Is it Valentine’s Day?” I asked, to which one of my cousins responded, “I think it’s tonight into tomorrow.”

After stopping for a minute to process what she had said, we all stopped and looked up.

“I don’t think it works that way,” I responded.

Hadassa Nissan

Far Rockaway