“Mommy, am I adopted now?”

By Azriel Ganz

Issue of May 22, 2009 / 28 Iyar 5769

A couple of weeks ago, I got a call from our lawyer asking if Tuesday, May 12, would work for the finalization of the adoption of our foster daughter Meira. This came as a surprise since, only a week earlier, she had asked me whether the second week in June would work.

My wife, Sara, and I cleared our calendars. After almost four years, including countless court hearings and adjournments, we weren’t going to let this opportunity pass. We were also pleased that May 12 corresponded to Lag B’Omer, very fitting since Meira (whose name means light) has brought so much light into our lives.

It all started on a hot summer day in July, 2005. Sara took a call on her cell phone while shopping for groceries. It was OHEL. Would we agree to foster a 10-week old baby girl for a couple of months? Uncharacteristically, Sara made a spot decision. The baby came later that afternoon.  Two months turned into four years and four years was about to turn into a lifetime.

We showed up at the Queens County Family Court at around 9:00 a.m., my in-laws eagerly joining us. We were soon met by our lawyer (with whom I had only spoken only on the phone). She was a lovely woman who immediately hit it off with the Meira. You could tell that she loved what she was doing.

Shortly thereafter, we were met by a swarm from OHEL, led by David Mandel, its CEO. Also attending were Shelly Berger, the head of foster care services (and our very first close connection to OHEL dating back almost 10 years, when we first became foster parents), Chaya Surie Malek, the supervisor of Meira’s case, Ruth Levin, her caseworker, who was instrumental in brokering an open adoption agreement with Meira’s birth mother, and Rena Gersten, Meira’s former caseworker who doesn’t even work for OHEL anymore but wouldn’t have considered missing the moment. Sara and I were very touched by the presence of the people whose hard work and mesiras nefesh were responsible for getting us to this point.

The scene in the waiting area was pretty weird. Hugs, pictures, the exchange of stories, more pictures. Meira, who just turned four, didn’t really know what was going on but was happy to be the center of attention (and receive a few toys from Ruth). Meira always liked to go to OHEL for visits because of how well everyone treated her there. Likewise, with her engaging and charming personality, everyone at OHEL loved when she came.  She was very happy to be among her friends again.

After half an hour, we were called in. Unlike previous court appearances, which took place in a formal courtroom, this proceeding was in a small conference room with Judge Guy de Phillips at the head of the table.

Sara and I affirmed that all the information we had earlier provided on our written submissions was true and correct and that there had been no material changes. The clerk then had us confirm our signatures as well as Meira’s new name. The Judge then put some stuff on the record and signed the order of adoption.

As he signed, he said, “As I sign this order of adoption, I am signing an order of love.” We all choked back tears.

He then spoke for a few minutes. Sara and I have been trying hard to recreate his moving words and this is the best I can do right now. (One of my friends is trying to get a transcript from the court; we think it was recorded.)

Judge de Phillips said that he felt privileged to be there and to meet us. He said that in a world in which there is so much evil, loving children is an act of humanity and that the more people who love children in this world, the better off we are. He said that that to raise a child is a courageous act and that adoption was an affirmation of man’s goodness. He said that, in a way, all those who are loved by their parents are “adopted,” whether their parents are birth parents or not. Finally, he said that he was 72 years old and had presided over many adoptions. This was the first time he had seen so many agency staff members present. He was moved and thought that was “wonderful.”

We then posed for pictures with the Judge and (this being a Jewish thing after all) had some cookies that Shelly had smuggled into court. (The courthouse guards are usually very strict about not letting food into court. When Shelly explained that it was to celebrate an adoption, they waived her in, no problem.)

As I left the conference room I told the Judge that we were privileged to be in his courtroom.

During the entire proceeding, Meira was playing quietly with the new toys that Ruth had brought her and didn’t seem to be paying much attention. As we left the conference room, she turned to Sara and said, “Mommy, am I adopted now?”

Azriel Ganz is general counsel for a financial services trade association. He lives in Woodmere.