Letters to the Editor 6-5-09

Issue of June 5, 2009 / 13 Sivan 5769

Respect our differences

To the Editor:

I was most happy that you published the two articles by Dr. Michael Salamon (Kosher Values, April 24, 2009; and Romantic Sparks, May 15, 2009). I agree with many of the points that he made and I too am troubled by the alarmingly high rate of divorce within the various Orthodox communities.

In his most recent article Dr. Salamon provides a brief history of marriage and courting. Presumably, Stephanie Coontz, the historian he makes reference to, provides insight into marriage/courting evolvement in general and not specifically to the history of Orthodox dating and marriage.  I have my own problems with the role the shadchan plays, but they differ from the issues that were covered.

As Orthodox Jews we believe that the Torah is eternal. We need only read the pesukim of how our forefathers met to realize that the Torah provides us with different options of meeting a potential spouse.

As Dr. Salamon wrote, Yitzchak and Rivka met through their shadchan, Eliezer.  The Torah tells us in Bereishit 24:67 that Yitzchak loved Rivka –– “vaye’ehaveha” and he loved her. Interestingly, like many arranged marriages of today, the love Yitzchak had for Rivka developed after marriage.

In Bereishit 29:6 we are introduced to Rachel, in pasuk 10 Yaakov sees Rachel, and then in 29:11 and 12 Yaakov very emotionally introduces himself to Rachel. The next pesukim deal with Yaakov and Lavan becoming acquainted and determining the service Yaakov will provide in order to marry Rachel. In 29:18 the first mention of Yaakov’s love for Rachel is recorded.  From this it is clear that he worked for Lavan in order to marry Rachel because he loved her: “vaye’ehav Yaakov et Rachel.”  Yet again in 29:20 the Torah uses the word love describing the feeling –– “be’ahavato” –– Yaakov had for Rachel. Finally, in 29:30 the Torah tells us once again –– va’ye’ehav –– that Yaakov loved Rachel and he worked for Lavan for seven more years.  Clearly, like many young men of today, Yaakov loved Rachel before marriage.

I am sure that there are many scholarly explanations for the different ways in which our Avot (forefathers) met. My lay opinion is that the Torah is trying to teach us that what works for one may not work for another. It is our job to keep integrity in dating and marriage. Above all, we Jews must recognize that as long as we stick to the guidelines of Halacha, we must respect the different courting practices in our communities.

Sarah Adler

Bayswater

Not to worry

To the Editor:

I have spoken with our 4th Precinct Inspector, Paul Clark, who assures me that given the recent news of apprehension of a terrorist group plotting to bomb synagogues, that although there is no immediate threat posed here in Nassau County, the entire force is on alert and is taking special precautions watching and patrolling synagogues and other Jewish institutions.

C. Simon Felder

Mayor, Village of Lawrence