From the other side of the bench: Managing our time

By David Seidemann

Issue of Nov. 28, 2008 / 1 Kislev 5769

Time elapsed is not always time measured. In the criminal justice system one can be sentenced for multiple crimes to either consecutive terms of confinement or concurrent terms.

In football, 60 minutes of play on the clock translates to at least three hours of airtime.

In Jewish law, “miktzas hayom k’kulo,” part of the day is considered as the whole day, and so the last day of shiva requires the mourners to observe one hour or so of mourning instead of the complete day.

One can unfortunately have his money taken away, and his health taken away, but how we spend our time is more in our control than one would imagine. I once heard an inmate say that “I can do my time or my time can do me.” Though it was difficult, he chose to be the master of his time, and his period of incarceration was seen as an opportunity and not merely as a sequestration.

It is human nature to choose a course of action that yields results. Scores of sociatal problems are created by the demand for “instant results” — instant gratification. That quest often propels man down a path of self destruction.

Even those that can resist the path of instant gratification often shy away from matters that they believe won’t make that much of a difference anyway. That, my friends, is a huge mistake. The noble, those that are really in touch with “purpose,” perform every meaningful act that comes their way regardless of its apparent shelf life. They understand that the results of a short lived action have ramifications that transcend time.

So let me share with you a story of two such people who understand proper mindset. I heard this story from a health care provider who tended to one of the heroines of what you are about to read.

The couple were both in their fifties. The bride-to-be survived her husband who succumbed to illness. Her future groom was previously divorced. While they were dating, she disclosed to him that she had cancer and had but a few months to live. It did not matter. Marriage was an affirmation of the kernels of love that would ultimately burst forth like a bag of your favorite popcorn teeming over the top as the couple would continue to live together. He was estranged from his children of his prior marriage due to the scars that remained from that bitter divorce.

The wedding was actually postponed due to a spate of rumors and innuendos that didn’t bother the bride-to-be, but that the husband wanted to quell before the wedding took place. This noble woman, who was fighting cancer, took it upon herself through all modes of communication to reunite her future husband and his children. She didn’t have to. She could have focused on herself, but she saw it as her mission to create a peace she wouldn’t live long enough to enjoy.

By the time the wedding was rescheduled, she only had two weeks to live. Why on earth would a man marry a woman for two weeks? What was the point? What purpose would it serve?

Her mission was to renew the bonds between her husband-to-be and his children from his prior marriage. His mission was to engage in an act that made a statement, that honored this woman and let all that knew her know that marriage to her, for only a brief amount of time, was meaningful and worthwhile. The honor that he brought to her and the love she rekindled between her husband and his children will be everlasting.

As I write this column, he is in the middle of shloshim, the 30 day mourning period. He will mourn her during the shloshim for twice the amount of time that they were actually married. And while some might think it bizarre, most of us, I hope, will be inspired.

It always makes a difference, no matter how long it lasts. It always makes a difference whether or not we are here to see the results.

Every gesture of outreach, every hug, kiss, smile, wink and nod of encouragement makes a difference. Only we can choose whether we manage our time or whether our time manages us.

David Seidemann is a partner with the law firm of Seidemann & Mermelstein. He can be reached at (718) 692-1013 and at ds@lawofficesm.com.