That’s life– 7/30

Posted

Issue of July 30, 2010/ 19 Av 5770

Dear That's Life,

The funny thing about visiting day in sleep-away camp is that while you wouldn't miss it for the world, by the end of the experience, crawling into the fetal position seems to be the only thing left to do.

Traffic reports said there was abnormally heavy traffic in the direction of camp, on Route 80 and the New York State Thruway. The reporter said that he did not know why, but the Tappan Zee Bridge, I-95 and other highways had noticeable increases in traffic. Silly reporter: didn't anyone tell you about Shabbat Nachamu and visiting day, the Jewish equivalent of the perfect storm?

Getting up and back from the mountains, therefore, was going to be a 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' situation. Print out all of the Map Quest directions you want, consult a Ouija board and say Tefilat Haderech with all of the right intentions - but you're still going to get stuck in traffic.

This year's return trek did feature some improvements over last year. No one vomited; a big plus. Two of my children fell asleep pretty quickly; also good. We even managed to avoid the bad weather and drove through the bucolic scenery under clear blue skies. All of the silver linings faded away, however, after the traffic hit. We were going nowhere, fast. We shlepped on and on and after three hours decided to stop for dinner. Besides, the baby needed a changing.

As much fun as a road trip is, that moment when you step out of the car after sitting for hours provides much physical and mental relief, and also allows you to assess the inside of your car. Did you want the chips ground into the carpet?  No? That's a shame. And you get to see what your kids look like after such a long ride. That was the point when I realized that the baby did not just need a changing, she needed a bath. Pronto.

With only the bathroom of the restaurant at my disposal, I did the best I could, utilizing the sink, a whole bunch of paper towels and anything else with which I could improvise. I was like a Mommy MacGyver. Never in my life did I imagine that a hand blower would come in handy.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be praying for one to be at my disposal. If only wishing made it so, but it does not. The blessing was that no one came into the women's bathroom during that time. I am not sure how I would have explained the scene, but I imagine it would have been something along the lines of, "Stuff happens."

Back in the car, ready to face the music and the traffic, we were all a little punchy, and definitely at the end of our ropes.  My four year-old daughter, who had not napped, was totally overtired and carrying on about everything. "I think you need a nap," said her twin. While I laughed, she did not think he was funny, nor was she amused by the slew of non-moving vehicles on the highway, prompting a tirade of questions.

"Are we still in New Jersey?" she asked repeatedly, not realizing that we had only moved a matter of feet since the last time she asked. "Why? Why are we still here?" she replied angrily. "Why are there so many cars?" she screamed, followed by "And why aren't we moving!"  The logical, obvious replies like, 'Because there are a lot of cars' or 'Because there is traffic' were not going to cut it. "We are never going to get home to Woodmere if we don't start moving!" she continued. There was no good answer, so none was offered and we did our best not to laugh.

Over and over again, the questions kept coming.  There was nothing to do but reassure her that we were going to get home soon and that the cars would move, all while trying to keep a straight face. Finally, we reached home and crawled into bed. I reflected on the day, knew we were going to gladly do it all over again next year, and wondered how sarcastic my husband was being when he said, "So you want to drive to Niagara Falls? It's only eight to ten hours away."

MLW

Dear That's Life

My daughter in-law Rivky runs the day camp for staff children at a sleep-away camp in the Catskills. There's a lot of mud around from all the rain they've had and my four-and-a-half-year-old grandson, Meir, was told he could only play in the mud in the morning, and once his clothes have been changed at lunchtime he is no longer allowed to play in the mud. Of course Meir didn't listen and played in the mud in the afternoon. He knew that he couldn't go home all muddied up, so he went to a neighbor and told her, "My mommy wasn't able to wash my clothes yet after the Nine Days. Could you lend me some clothes?"

"Maybe I should call your Mommy, the neighbor said," to which Meir replied, "Please don't do that, you'll get me in trouble."

I think Meir's Mommy and Tatty are in big trouble.

Barry Elin