That's life 2/12/2010

Issue of February 12, 2o1o/ 28 Shvat 5770

There was a story in the news a year ago about a man from Long Island whose license plate read ‘GETOSAMA’ and the efforts by the New York State Department of Motor Vehicles to revoke it. While DMVs around the country struggle to keep vanity plate messages appropriate and acceptable, some drivers have filed First Amendment complaints defending what they feel is their right to write what they want on their license plates. Texting and e-mail, which have destroyed the English language, are often the inspiration for some creative and humorous plates that can’t be printed in this paper because we’re rated PG. There are well over nine million vanity plates registered in the United States as of last year. The greatest percentage are from Virginia. It seems New Yorkers are not as vain and only rank 35th nationwide in number of vanity plates, according to a recent report.

It may just be me (and often it is) but it seems that there is a preponderance of these plates located here within the four walls of the Five Towns. Right before the big news about the Jeters was leaked, I noticed a plate that read ‘MRSJETER’ at Dunkin’ Donuts on Burnside Avenue. Kudos to the driver who is apparently incredibly confident and harboring no self-esteem issues. In fact, it would not have surprised me to find hand-written invites for her wedding to Derek stacked in a crate in the truck. While I did not get a glimpse of the driver, I am pretty sure it was not the actual future Mrs. Jeter as she would probably not have been driving the ‘vintage’ automobile to which that plate belonged.

Vanity plates often let you know something about the driver; perhaps things you never needed to know and couldn’t care less about. ‘NRVUSREK’ was recently seen on the Southern State. Not something I want to know about a person doing 70 on the highway, but what can you do? ‘FYNSHMKR’ would be a funny vanity plate if it had been on a Chevy Nova from the 70s with no hubcaps but, instead, it was on a Cadillac Escalade. Not funny. ‘NURCNURS’ lets me know that the driver is a nurse, but why do I care? ‘NU YORK’ on a New York State plate seems to be a waste of someone’s money, unless they want people to know they live in Manhattan (NY, NY). ‘RECGNIZE’ is another one spotted recently, and then there was ‘TESHUVA’ which was seen in New Jersey. As my father would say: repent now, beat the holiday rush.

Here are some vanity plates I hope to never see:

HOMEREKR; IMALOSER; IM LMTO; MUNISGR8; MATHWIZ; ILUVVANA; MLW.

It has to be annoying to have a vanity plate and know that everyone who knows the plate will know where you are at any given time. “Oh, so how was dinner at Chosen Island? I saw you parked outside.” Or how about, “Man, your car needs a wash.” That has got to be embarrassing. It is pretty hard to live anonymously in the Jewish world — I’m not sure why someone would want to make it that much harder for themselves, but to each their own. Until then, if you don’t want someone to know what you’re up to or where you’re going, walk or borrow someone else’s car. Otherwise, you’re fair game.

MLW