That's life 1/15/2010

Issue of January 15, 2010/ 29 Tevet 5770

Dear That’s Life,

There’s something surreal about being able to pick up a birth certificate and a death certificate at the same office at the Town of Hempstead town hall.

Reality checks are available everywhere; some come when you least expect them. The same is true about opportunities.  To quote one of my favorite movies, “Great moments are born from great opportunity.” And great opportunities present themselves everyday at Costco, and I don’t mean just for the potential of ‘buying in bulk for cheap.’ I often find myself among the many who leave that warehouse with a number of things in their cart that they did not know they needed until they saw them there. I don’t really need a pecan pie on a Tuesday that can serve twenty of my nearest and dearest but at $8, who can resist? And how about those muffins?  Man, those are good.

But the great opportunity that exists at Costco is the potential for a good shidduch date. If you can make it through the entire store and still like each other at the end, you can buy an engagement ring on your way out. It’s like one stop shopping. And if you would prefer to get engaged with a bracelet, a set of tires or an abnormal number of Q-tips, this is the place for you.

Do people still go to airports on dates? I never understood that. Where’s the excitement in that? Is it in the bomb-sniffing dogs or watching the games people play when they try not to be charged extra for their overweight suitcases? I would not have done well had someone taken me to JFK on a date. Costco, at least, is practical, especially if the date isn’t going well. “Listen, you’re a really nice guy and it’s nothing personal, but you and I know this isn’t going anywhere — so do you mind if I pick up some toilet paper?”

The super-confident couple can even buy mattresses at Costco. Nothing says ‘long term relationship’ like a couple schlepping twin beds with a hand truck. Sheets, pillowcases and brisket — this store has it all for the Jewish family.  And then, of course, Costco presents its own reality check, and I don’t just mean the bill.

Recently speaking to my dad who lives in Florida, he told me of his latest trip to Costco down there, which offered a very unique item for sale that I had not seen up here: caskets. No, they were not actually on display, but there was a catalogue and an order form where you could custom design the coffin of your liking. Pink satin, brass handles, choice of wood - all custom made and brought to you by the fine people at Costco. And no, you do not need to purchase these in bulk.

Life and death: brought to you by Costco and the Town of Hempstead.

MLW