who's in the kitchen: judy joszef

Teshuva: First to yourself, and then to G-d

Posted

Years ago, my husband Jerry received a beautiful card right before Yom Kippur. I didn’t recognize the name on the return address. I handed it to Jerry who read the card and I noticed that his eyes were damp, although he had a huge smile on his face. When I asked who had sent it, he said it was a long story. I replied, “Aren’t all your stories long? I’d love to hear it.”

It was during the year that Jerry was saying Kaddish for his dad, when he would daven Mincha in a building next to his office. After the minyan ended, about a dozen men, all down on their luck, most homeless, would be waiting to collect tzedakah.

One day, Jerry heard a commotion. Some of the men from the minyan were screaming at one of the men collecting tzedakah, saying that man had no right to be there. He was dressed nicely in a suit, and seemed to have showered. The man shouted back that he had every right to be there. He had recently lost everything — his job, his home, his family. If he still had some good clothing, why couldn’t he use it to keep some of his dignity?

Jerry, a people person, with one of the biggest hearts around, was intrigued. Here was a man who said he was homeless, yet he looked as though he just left his office. Then Jerry noticed him holding a book by Shakespeare. That was it, Jerry had to speak to him. He learned that this man had a successful oil business that failed, after which his life began to unravel and he lost everything. Jerry invited him back to his office, closed the door and ordered lunch, while listening to his story. He was bright, well spoken, eloquent, and had read great works of literature.

As the weeks turned into months, Jerry’s friend became more disheveled and more depressed but always came by to spend some time and have a hot meal. The receptionist would buzz Jerry and tell him “his friend” was there to see him. No one questioned Jerry, as they all realized, after a while, what he was doing.

Jerry would close his office door and listen. They’d discuss the classics they had both read, and Jerry would try to come up with a plan to get the man’s life back on track and restore his dignity. Jerry mentioned a client who was in the oil business, but he couldn’t refer him directly as doing so would violate his company’s policy. His friend said he would contact the client on his own.

Jerry brought him all of his gently worn suits, shirts, ties and shoes. He took him to the barber and helped get him presentable to go on an interview. When the client called Jerry and asked about this man, Jerry said he couldn’t give a recommendation as far as his work in the oil trade was concerned, because he had never done business with him, but he vouched for his intelligence and integrity as reflected in their friendship.

Although the man hadn’t worked in a couple of years, Jerry’s client decided to give him an opportunity and hired him.

He regained his confidence and slowly became successful again. After a number of years he was able to rekindle his relationship with his wife, retire to Cape Cod and see his son through medical school.

Teshuva generally means to return to Hashem, but periodically it means to return to yourself prior to being capable of retuning to Hashem.

This week, when the yearly letter from his friend arrived, we both read it and both had tears in our eyes. He again thanked Jerry for the opportunity to regain his dignity, his family and his life.

This Yom Kippur may we all find the capacity to return to Hashem, however complex that road might occasionally be.

This column originally appeared in 2013. In The Kitchen recipes will return next week. Cpntact Judy at judy.soiree@gmail.com.