Seidemann: The New Hamster Primary

Posted

From the other side of the bench

by David Seidemann

Issue of May 7, 2010/ 23 Iyar, 5770
I hold no affinity for the feline or canine species. Accordingly, the incessant requests from my kids that I purchase a dog or cat quieted over the years. This is not to say that the pestering has totally disappeared, but only the request for a dog or cat has for the most part been muted.

Instead the children have turned their focus on a somewhat smaller and more contained animal, the hamster. Every year at about this time, the begging and yes, the tears, resurface and requests to add a hamster to our family are renewed. The politicking is so intense that my wife and I call this time of year and the ensuing cajoling “the New Hamster Primary.”

For the past several years, I have been able to withstand the pressures to purchase the rodent, but this year I folded. I drove down to the pet store, children in tow, and selected what I was assured would be the cleanest, easiest to care for, and most docile hamster. The hamster had a price tag of only $16, but by the time I left the store with all of the contraptions including the plastic cage, complete with the spinning wheel, and enough hamster food to last a lifetime, I was in for a hundred bucks.

The salesperson, who is the only human being who knows less about hamsters than I do, convinced me that female hamsters are calmer than male hamsters. That is the reason, she explained, why I should purchase a female hamster, and the reason why the store only sells female hamsters. After spending a week with the hamster we named Molly, I am convinced that the reason they sell no male hamsters is that Molly ate all of them.

Molly bit every thing and person that came her way. At night, we would hear her trying to bite her way out of her cage; every time my children tried to feed Molly, their fingers became her chomping grounds. I called the pet store to inquire as to whether all of this biting was normal. I was told that we needed to “establish a relationship” with Molly, to get to know her better, to warm up to her and she, in turn, would warm up to us. I will not claim that I’m the busiest man in the world. But spending quality time with the hamster in an effort to develop a deeper cosmic relationship with said hamster, is not on my list of priorities. Heck, I’m trying to develop a deeper relationship with my wife, children, and friends.

Nevertheless I found myself talking to Molly as one would speak to a newborn infant. There was no response. I fed her lettuce, carrots and celery and her response was to bite more. A week later, with full endorsement of the very children that wished this demon into our home, I returned Molly to the pet store. I placed Molly’s cage on the store counter, looked the cashier straight in the eye and said: “She is possessed.”

They took Molly back and actually wanted me to place her back with all the other hamsters. I declined but sufficiently scared the employees into believing that Molly was feral. Three employees fought amongst themselves as to who would have to place Molly back in the pen. Finally, one fellow put on thick construction gloves, hoisted Molly out of the plastic cage I purchased and placed her back in her original unnatural habitat. The first thing she did was bite the other hamsters in the cage.

To my chagrin, I still see Molly’s face almost 2 weeks after she had been returned. A little, biting, annoying face somehow still flashes before me as I walk into our living room where she once resided. I fear I am now prejudiced against all hamsters since it is Molly’s face I always see.

We tend to judge others by the face they present to us. And it’s how we will be known based on the face we display.

I walked into shul last shabbos and saw a friend of mine. En route to say good Shabbos to him I passed by an elderly gentleman who I had never seen before. He had sunken eyes and barely a hair on his head. On the way back to my seat, I extended my hand and wished the stranger a good Shabbos. I asked him if he was new to our neighborhood. He shook my hand and said “David, I guess you dont recognize me.’’

It was a friend of mine who had been away for six months for cancer treatments. When I looked at him I did not recognize him. It was only when he smiled that I realized that this was the man I davened with for the last six months. His smile was unmistakable and as effervescent as ever. It was his signature smile which immediately identified him to me. It was a smile that had not changed despite his illness which I understand thank G-d , bli ayin horah, is being managed. It was a smile that defined who he was.

So we all have choice as to how we will be known and how we will be perceived. We all have a choice as to which face will define us. Smiling seems to be the wisest choice even if it might not be the easiest.

David Seidemann is a partner with the law firm of Seidemann & Mermelstein. He can be reached at (718) 692-1013 and at ds@lawofficesm.com