Seidemann: A commencement address

From the other side of the bench

By David Seidemann

Issue of May 29, 2009 / 6 Sivan 5769

Well, graduations are almost upon us and my phone hasn’t rung yet. No major universities have called and asked me to deliver the commencement exercises address. Forget about universities, no high school or kindergarten has called either. It wouldn’t be a first for me –– I did speak at my Law School graduation and I had a singing part in my kindergarten graduation some 45 years ago.

What would I say to those moving on from kindergarten to first grade, from eighth grade to high school, from high school to college and from college to graduate school? Probably the same things. Believe in yourself, believe in others. It’s okay to take a bite of the first apple if it’s really what’s good for you. There is nothing wrong in waiting for the second apple, whatever that apple might represent. To the kindergarteners I might add, always take an extra change of clothes with you, but a similar message would apply to the other groups. Always have a backup plan.

Moreover, always believe that a backup plan can be successful. So while you might be tempted to bite at the first apple, make sure you place some of the seeds in various parcels of land.

What else would I say to graduates? I would tell them that the phrase “it can’t get any worse than this” is untrue. It can get worse. A lot worse. I say that not to be a fatalist, but to point out to always be cognizant that what you do have is reason enough to be thankful. I would tell the graduates to never let a day pass without doings something good for someone else. It will make you feel better, not to mention the other person.

I would tell them, kindergarten and medical school graduates alike, to take naptime. That is, stop what you are doing in the middle of the day for at least 15 minutes and take a “time-out.” Take a time-out to consider if your work is an expression of your core beliefs or if you are not only working for someone else’s body, but someone else’s beliefs.

I would tell the graduates to take walks. Take walks with your loved ones, spouse, children or significant other. Take walks, inhale nature and ask them about their day. I would tell the graduates to leave their cell phones and other electronic devices at home on those walks.

Then I would tell the graduates to continue to read. Read and read some more. Watch T.V. for the news and an occasional sporting event or movie. Otherwise, forget T.V. and read. Read history. Read about politics and economics so that you understand this complex world in which we live.

Be a part of the educated. Be a part of the moral society. Stare temptation in the face and say “that’s not who I want to be.” Resist meaningless endeavors. Dress like a lady or a gentleman. Let your words and actions make a statement and not your clothes. The first thing people should notice about you is your smile, not your clothes or hair.

Don’t smoke. It will kill you. And if you don’t care, your children will care if their parent dies young or dies a painful death. Don’t speed. Better Tom Smith be late, than be the late Tom Smith.

Speak out against social injustice by befriending people from all walks of life. Establish a relationship, a cordial one, with someone who is very different from you.

I would tell the graduates to pick up the phone and call the last person to expect to hear from you. Apologize even when you are correct because peace is more important than being right.

I would tell the graduates not to be afraid to solicit help from others.

There is an answer to every problem but not all the answers are contained within the individual. Sometimes we need the assistance of others.

Resist the desire for money. More often than not it will cause one to cut corners, to walk an ethical tightrope and then one has a whole different set of worries.

Don’t let Monday’s failure become Tuesday’s excuse. Every day is a new day and a new chance to spin the wheel or roll the dice in this game of chutes and ladders that we call life.

What else would I say? Relinquish control. Relinquish control and acknowledge that your fate is only partly in your hands and that not reaching a certain goal you had planned is no reason for alarm. In fact, it might be a detour that leads you to a better destination.

And when I’m finished telling the graduates all of the above, I would remind them to read some more and to inhale nature once again.

I would tell them not to let your neighbors define you but to choose your neighbors and your neighborhood based on your values.

I would tell them that time goes by so quickly that soon they’ll be sitting at their children’s graduations. And if time goes by that quickly, I would tell the graduates not to waste one moment being angry, sad or gloomy.

Reality rarely changes, but our perception of reality can.

I would tell the graduates that success is measured by how you feel and not by what you do. Sanitation workers and brain surgeons should be valued the same in your eyes.

I wouldn’t wish them luck because luck implies randomness. I would wish them good opportunities and fortune, and the inner strength to maximize those opportunities.

Lastly I would tell them to read some more and maybe teach someone else how to read.

I think I hear the phone ringing. It’s Harvard University. They want me to ...

David Seidemann is a partner with the law firm of Seidemann & Mermelstein.  He can be reached at (718) 692-1013 and at ds[at]lawofficesm.com.