parsha of the week

Really loving the convert

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Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan translates Bamidbar 15:15-16 as follows: “Among the group that may marry one another, the same rule shall apply both to you and to the proselyte who joins. It is an eternal law for future generations that the proselyte shall be the same as you before G-d. There shall thus be one Torah and one law for you and for the proselyte who joins you.”

I was thinking about those who join the Jewish people this past Shabbos, because one of the more heart-wrenching stories in Parshat Behaalotecha is the tale of Moshe and his father-in-law.

In the Torah’s narrative, Moshe tries to convince his father-in-law to join the Israelites, to “be our eyes,” perhaps as a guide. Yitro (as Chovav) responds, “I would rather not go. I wish to return to my land and my birthplace” (10:30). Moshe tries all kinds of promises: “If you go with us, we will share with you whatever good G-d grants us” (10:32).

Yitro’s decision is left up to the reader’s imagination. Some commentaries suggest that his two appearances in the Torah occurred in the same span of time, suggesting that his exit at the end of Shemot 18 indicates that he did indeed return home.

Why was he hesitant to join the Jewish people? Wasn’t he a righteous convert?

The answer is that Yitro did not see a future for himself in the land. Sure, he was sold on the idea of G-d. He was committed to monotheism. He may have even been committed to being a Jew. But as a righteous convert, he looked at the projected division of the land by tribe and thought, “Whoops! There’s no place for me there!”

So he said, “Look, I have a nice house, a farm. I have my family. I’ll happily go home and convert them to my Jewish faith. But the Jewish community does not have a place for me.”

When we look at the verse in Shelach, the Torah indicates here, as it does in other places, that the ger is to be treated as an equal.

First, the idea that the ger is referred to as a ger when he has become a Jew indicates that we continue to attach a label, even a stigma, to the Jew by choice.

Second, do we really need this reminder? If the ger is indeed “one of us,” then what is the question? Shouldn’t it be obvious that the treatment of the ger is the same as everyone else? And that the law applies equally to the ger as it does to everyone else?

Finally, how can we honestly say that the ger is treated equally when we know it isn’t true?

There are conversations in the Talmud in which the convert’s ability to say the first blessing of Shemone Esrei is questioned, because it describes “our G-d, the G-d of our forefathers.” The forefathers are not “really” the ancestors of the convert! Similarly a question is raised regarding the presentation of bikkurim, as discussed in the beginning of Parshat Ki Tavo. May a convert declare, “Here we are in the land You promised to our forefathers”? They were not his forefathers!

A kohen may not marry a convert. There are discussions in Jewish law about whether a convert can serve as a rabbi, or on a court. The Torah has rules about individuals from certain nations, who will need to wait a few generations for their conversion to be finalized. In some cases, the conversion is never accepted. Yitro’s descendants were given the city of Yericho, upon which Yehoshua placed a curse against any Israelite who would settle there. Gee, thanks a lot!

So is there equality or not?

I have been present at a number of conversions. It is a blessing of being a mohel that I am sometimes asked to perform the hatafat dam brit ritual on male converts before they enter the mikvah. It is always emotional. People who have waited for this moment sometimes break down and cry upon emerging and being told “Welcome home, brother.” We embrace. We love the convert! It is a mitzvah!

But then we let go. We forget that the convert does not have the background we have. We forget that the convert does not have an extended Jewish family. We forget that the convert is always sincere, but sometimes does not know the rules. We forget that without regular contact, the convert might feel neglected and might fall back to old habits.

We sometimes also forget that the convert came to Judaism by thinking outside the box. And that such an approach to life is what brought this person into our circles to begin with. Instead of embracing it, we sometimes judge the convert for being a deep thinker, for researching everything life has to offer, and for not falling in line with the mainstream.

Many converts I met have a relationship with G-d that should be the envy of all the Jews! We must learn from the sincere convert about what it means to love Judaism despite the challenges, despite certain hardships, and, like Yitro, despite not having a comfortable place in the community.

 

The Jew by choice, who perseveres through all the adversity that comes with leaving your family to join the Jewish people, deserves our admiration and respect, and should always be embraced for thinking outside of the box, when the ideas fit under the wide tent that is Jewish thought and experience.