from the heart of jerusalem: rabbi binny freedman

Pausing, 1 in 7: Where has all the time gone?

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Many years ago, while teaching an adult education class, the topic we were studying was pushing someone’s buttons. We were discussing the underpinnings of the mitzvah of respect for one’s parents, and the challenges of developing a healthy and meaningful relationship between parents and children, when I noticed one of the students’ eyes were watering. Clearly, he was struggling with the discussion on some level.

After the class, I invited him to my office for a chat. This fellow was a very successful businessman in his late 40s, who had decided to finally take a break from work to explore his relationship with his Jewish identity. He was married, with two children, and as far as I knew, his family was in good health, and so was his marriage.

In the midst of our discussion, eyes brimming with tears, he confided:

“You know, 30 years ago, I set for myself a number of goals. I grew up in a very poor home, and I was determined that my children should never have to struggle like I did.

“So I worked night and day to build up our business, so that I would have something real to pass on to my children. But I spent so much time living up to the responsibility I thought I had as their father, I missed the opportunity to be their parent.

“Last year, in the midst of a negotiation to merge our company, and finally realize my dream to create an entity of substance I could pass on to my children, I ended up having to miss my son’s college graduation. I spent so much time achieving my goal, that I missed the purpose of the whole exercise. And now I sit here wondering, where did all the time go? And how could I have gotten so caught up?”

Where does all our time go? Do you ever find yourself looking back at all the well-intentioned goals and dreams you set for yourself just yesterday, and wonder how you got so preoccupied, so caught up in life, that the reason for living seems to have gotten lost?

This week’s parsha (Behar) next week’s (Bechukotai) provide a fascinating insight into both the mechanism for this challenge and the solution it necessitates.

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