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Fair Coping with crisis: Experts share advice for dealing with trauma
By Yaffi Spodek
Issue of Jan. 2, 2009 / 6 Teves 5769
Zahava Farbman of Chai Lifeline's Crisis Intervention and Bereavement has been inundated with phone calls from local parents who are reeling from the impact of Thursday's accident at Chabad's Chanukah Wonderland.
"Everybody is very traumatized by what they saw, and everyone reacts differently," said Farbman, a clinical social worker from Woodmere. "It's important for people to recognize their coping mechanism as a very personal thing. Right now, any way people need to react is fine."
Those who witnessed the incident, especially young children, may have difficulty eating or sleeping properly and they may experience flashbacks of the event for several days afterwards, she explained. But she stressed that these reactions are normal, and should dissipate as time goes on.
"When dealing with very young children, they need non-verbal relaxation or tension reduction, such as hugging and kissing," said Dr. Norman Blumenthal, the director of Chai Lifeline's Crisis Intervention and Bereavement. "They also need absolute reassurance that something like this will not happen again."
Older kids, from elementary school age and on, will be able to understand that the event was atypical and extremely rare, Blumenthal added.
He emphasized the importance of clarifying that this wasn't a purposeful attack on Jews, a thought which he said crossed the minds of many witnesses during the collision and caused people to scream 'terrorist,' fearing a repeat of last month's attacks in Mumbai.
"It's also important to note that each child will have their own idiosyncratic response," Dr. Blumenthal told The Jewish Star. "People are very different in how they tolerate trauma. Reactions can come and go; there can be a relatively mild reaction now and a strident reaction at a later point... For little kids, these may come out in the way they play, stories they tell or pictures they draw."
Both Dr. Blumenthal and Mrs. Farbman agreed that these feelings –– whatever they may be and however they manifest themselves –– should be expressed in some way.
"Children may need to sleep in their parents' bed, adults may need to cry, some people will get very quiet and want to be left alone and that's all OK," Farbman said. "Everyone needs to find their own personal mode of expression.
Children tend to write out their feelings, whether it's in a journal or through drawing a picture, she continued. Others may find comfort through actions, such as saying Tehillim.
"People often turn to religion, doing acts of kindness and praying, when they feel helpless and want to do something," Dr. Blumenthal explained. "Taking action in whatever way you can is reparative."
"Talking about it definitely helps as well," Farbman observed. "We met with some girls who were volunteers at the Wonderland and we encouraged them to talk it out. It was very helpful for them."
Dr. Michael J. Salamon, director of the Adult Development Center in Hewlett, highlighted the role of parents in guiding their children through this difficult time.
"Parents have to give them attention and be supportive, and allow their child to speak about what happened," he advised. "Don't let the child obsess over it, but allow them to ask questions and respond to them at an age level that's appropriate... Children tend to be resilient but they need some direction."
Salamon also believes that creating art is an effective way for young children to express their feelings.
"Drawing a picture is a cathartic method for children to deal with it in a therapeutic environment," he said.
Salamon pointed out that, "generally speaking, the sense of trauma doesn't really happen for several days after. Unfortunately people who think they're dealing with it don't realize it until later when it impacts work, school or social relationships."
Though the various reactions described above are common after a tragedy, a person who is still exhibiting these post-traumatic symptoms several days after the incident has passed should seek help from a professional.
"After a few weeks, if someone still can't stop crying or is very scared, that is definitely the time to find a professional to talk to," noted Farbman.
Farbman also said that she and Dr. Blumenthal are available to guide people during this difficult time and have been in contact with Rabbi Zalman Wolowik of Chabad to organize a community-wide session to address post-traumatic issues. One such forum was held Sunday at Chabad of the Five Towns.
"When schools go back in session, we are available to go to every school and address these issues," she added. "This is my hometown and Dr. Blumenthal's hometown and we are here to help the community in any way we can.”
Related stories:
Ayala Cohen: An eyewitness account from the Chanukah Wonderland
