Cedarhurst shul plans outreach to single parents

Posted

Extra set of hands; a shoulder to lean on

By Malka Eisenberg

Issue of August 29, 2008

Any married parent who’s ever felt like he or she does a disproportionate amount of the child rearing ought to be able to empathize. “A single parent can have three weeks, 24-seven, before they get a break,” said Rebbetzin Donna Chatzinoff of Congregation Tifereth Zvi in Cedarhurst.

To provide material and moral support to single mothers and their children, Chatzinoff and her husband, Rabbi Pinchas Chatzinoff, have launched a buddy system in their shul. The idea is to pair up families that can help with families that could use help.

They hope that other shuls will join the effort.

“We’ve been involved with a few on an informal basis,” said Donna Chatzinoff. “When we discovered that there are about 200 in the Five Towns-Far Rockaway area we were appalled by that and wanted to help them.”

“Our goal is to offer them assistance in a practical way,” she said. “Not just supporting one another but trying to use the structure of the kehillah and families that want to help. Each single parent will have a buddy family from the kehillah, that’s the goal. The parents need an advocate. Being a single parent is very difficult. We will try to do anything to minimize the challenge and make it easier.”

Cong. Tifereth Zvi is on the Cedarhurst-Lawrence border. It was founded 12 years ago and has about 70 member families. Rabbi Chatzinoff is also an attorney with a practice in Uniondale.

A few weeks ago, Rabbi Chatzinoff spoke at a Shabbat lunch for single mothers and children regarding the plans for this effort and to learn about their needs. He also addressed the kehillah to appeal to the members to help.

“They have to know that they are not alone,” said Mrs. Chatzinoff, a mother and a pre-school teacher at Chabad’s Gan Chamesh, “that they have someone they can count on. It’s a talented, close-knit kehillah. [People will] drop everything to help someone else.”

Chatzinoff offers many examples of ways the families in Tifereth Zvi help each other. After helping a mom clean a daughter’s cut that needed stitches, the shul member offered to take them to the hospital. People from the shul helped a single mother negotiate a lease and move. They offer mentoring, counseling, tutoring, recommend doctors, have therapists on call. One man offered to learn Gemara and Mishna with boys who don’t have a father at home to learn with them. One mother asked for technical help with a computer.

The Chatzinoffs realized the need for this support network when they noticed that the same people needed maos chittim every year, and that every year their needs had increased. In addition to financial help, they help single parents find jobs, organize finances and foster independence. They even assist with babysitting.

Tova is a single mom with two daughters who lives in Woodmere. She has been going to Rabbi Chatzinoff’s shul for 11 to 12 years. “It’s an important initiative,” she said. “My daughters are the only ones in their grade from a divorced family. They feel different. The initiative is very helpful; they do many different things. They helped children from divorced families meet — they know that they are not the only ones.”

She pointed out that the single parent is the only one working, doing laundry, buying groceries, cleaning for Pesach. This system provides help with homework, babysitting, and packing for moving.

“They see the needs of the community and address those needs,” she said of the Chatzinoffs and the shul’s support.

“I’m a strong person,” explained Tova. “I take charge, I make Kiddush for myself.” She is a social worker who works with kids from separated or divorced families, she said. “For me it’s a scary experience; without prior knowledge it’s even scarier. We are trying to build a network. We call each other. Some are further along and can give advice, a book to read, recommend a lawyer.”

“It’s not chesed cases,” stressed Chatzinoff. “It’s to raise awareness, more of a friend helping a friend, a shul member helping a shul member. It should be a community wide effort. We need all shuls to be involved. They may be single, but they are not alone and they shouldn’t have to deal with the challenges themselves.”

Congregation Tifereth Zvi’s website is www.tzminyan.org. Contributions can be sent to: Congregation Tifereth Zvi-Chesed, Attention Donna Chatzinoff, 46 Columbia Avenue Cedarhurst. The shul currently has a matching fund pledge for donations.