Ask Aviva: You’ve got male, on the Internet

Dear Aviva,

My husband uses the computer too much. He claims that it’s for work, but I just don’t buy it. He’s online at all hours and it’s really starting to get to me. I can’t imagine what kind of work needs to be done the minute he comes home from work. I feel like he is just using it as an excuse to not help out with the kids or with the house. I feel like a nag, but I need this to stop. Am I overreacting?

-Uncomfortable with the Comp

Dear Uncomfortable with the Comp,

You sure have a reason to be uncomfortable with what’s going on. And just for the record, if you feel like you need to react, then it’s not overreacting—yet. It’s overreacting if you react without consideration for the other’s feelings. You can voice anything that bothers you, as long as you use the right voice (and the right tone, body language and timing to name a few) Start by calmly sitting down with your hubby and telling him what bothers you. Tell him you would like to see more of him. Ask him what steps you can take to bring your hub back into the hub of the home. One way may be to stay away from the computer when your kids are around. Label it “family time.” And then he can model for your kids how to be involved. (“No computer during family time”) Another idea is to move the computer to a place where it is very visible. This way, he is right there when you need him. Your job is to speak up if you need him. Don’t assume he knows when he’s needed. You can even say, “Do you mind signing off and spending some time with me?”