Ask Aviva: Wigged out

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Dear Aviva,
I feel very silly writing about this and don’t know if you will even publish it, but I have a sheitel problem. I’ve had the same one since I got married 6 years ago. It’s outdated, stretched and not even my color anymore. Plus, I never liked the cut.
But I can’t afford a new one, and I literally cry almost every morning when I put it on to leave for work. I think I’ve scared my husband.
And then I feel guilty for being petty. Not to mention the guilt of starting to hate the mitzvah of covering my hair.

-Weary from her Wig

Dear Weary from her Wig,
I will print this letter because I have seen totally normal, stable women have panic attacks over sheitels. Panic attacks more severe than the panic attacks that my therapy clients’ who are diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder have.
Why? I think it’s for a variety of reasons, namely beauty, identity and physical comfort. And tie a price tag in the amount of one month’s mortgage on it. Plus, the risk that the stylist will totally kill your luxurious necessity without ever being held liable. It’s enough to put my limbic system in a state of diffuse physiological arousal, and I get my wigs straight from the manufacturer! (But that has its own set of stressors…)
Ok, so we’ve got to do a few things with you. First, let’s help facilitate your re-commitment to the mitzvah. Learn the halachos of ki’sui rosh for the first time, or review it with someone who is pumped about the mitzvah.
Next, see if a recut or some dye would freshen things up. The way to find a good cutter is to stop any frum lady you see in Target who looks awesome. Then, frantically approach her so that she is aware of the urgency of the matter. Be careful not to be too frantic, otherwise she may think that you’re a bit off and will try to cut the conversation short before you get a chance to extract the master cutter’s number from the sheitel model’s Blackberry. (As a random aside, I know of a woman who intentionally acted “very socially off” when she had to converse with a philandering man. I guess Sefer Shmuel really is relevant for all generations…good work drooling into your beard, Dovid HaMelech.)

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