Ask Aviva: Overworked and over-dedicated

Ask Aviva

I work for a very small non-profit organization and I am one of three employees. My two co-workers do an okay job, but that’s how they see it — as just a job.

I seem to be the only one who understands the weight of what we do. I push myself. I work overtime a few nights a week and sometimes even on the weekends. My wife is very understanding because we both believe in the cause. Sometimes she’ll tell me if she needs me home on time and I always make sure to listen to her.

Lately my boss has given me more responsibilities and expects me to work late. I’ve spoken up about the overtime and I made it clear that my family needs me and that it is past hours. As soon as I speak up, he apologizes right away and tells me to go home. I have not spoken up about the increased tasks he’s assigned to me. I don’t want to pass the buck to the other employees because I know that I will do a much better job. There were times when I’ve had to redo what they’ve done because it wasn’t good enough.

My wife thinks that I should tell him not to give me so many tasks, but I don’t think she understands that I’m the best man for the job. What’s your take?

-Dedicated and Overworked

Dear Dedicated and Overworked,

Let’s change your name, but keep your initials. Now you’re officially called “Delegator and Outsourcer.”

If you chose not to accept your new name and changes that come with it, D and O will soon stand for “Depleted and Overdrawn”. Get the picture?

It’s really great that you are dedicated and it’s really great that you can get the job done well.

It takes a lot of discipline to be so focused and productive. It takes even more discipline to allow mediocre work by others when you could have done it spectacularly.

You need to make a decision: Which cause do you believe in more? The cause that you are paid to work for, or the real non-profit cause of You and Your Family? If you chose to have You and Your Family as your priority, please read on.

Delegate: Employ this tactic when you are given a task that someone else can do. They most likely will not do it the way that you want them to do it. You must set the bar lower when this is done. Instead of “flawless”, make sure it is “functional.” After the other person completes the task, allow yourself no more than ten minutes to edit/correct/change/enhance the work.

Delegating must be done in a way that does not harm your intra-office relations. Either ask your boss if he can give the task to your colleague, or gently ask your colleague if he or she is willing to help you. Don’t give the person a litany of how-to’s. You can, however, make one or two specific requests of how you would like it done. Then, give the person a timeframe.

Now, ready for the hardest part? Step back. Occupy yourself with something else that must get done.

When the task is completed, thank the person for helping and praise specific parts of the product. Also, don’t review the other person’s work in front of them.

It may make your skin crawl to see some errors or misjudgments of your coworker. Keep your goal in mind: “This is my third job. My first job is to stay healthy and be happy. My second job is to be there for my family.” And then step out of your perfectionist’s box and ask yourself if the work is sufficient. Sufficient will have to suffice.

In addition, outsourcing may help you. Working for a non-profit, you may be doing a lot of cold-calls or envelope stuffing and event planning. If these aren’t part of your original job description, it’s probably more efficient for you to outsource. There are companies that do this sort of thing and you can shop around to find a reasonably priced one. (Or seek out somebody who is looking for per-diem work.)

Outsourcing may include hiring an assistant full-time. You should sit down with your boss, and do what your wife says! Or at least a modified version. Tell him that you’d like to do everything he assigns to you, and you’d like to do it well. Then explain how there is a big time constraint and you know that you’d be able to meet his standards if you had the help of an assistant. From the little that you’ve said about your boss, he seems amenable to your needs.

Additionally, you may want to work on your time-management skills. One quick and easy way to do this is to read habit # 3 of "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey. It pays to be a perfectionist in your time-management while letting other things slide.

And, since you’re asking a marriage therapist, one more thing: One day this week, come home from work early. If applicable, arrange for a babysitter. Say these words to your wife: “I missed you today. Can we go out for dinner?” Repeat every 30 days. Never delegate or outsource this part of your job.

-Aviva