So … how do Chanukah and Christmas differ?

Since most Jews do not understand Christmas, and most Christians don’t get Chanukah, an explanation is in order. Now, if anyone asks you what is the difference between Christmas and Chanukah you will know what and how to answer!

1. Christmas is one day, same day every year, Dec. 25. Jews also celebrate Dec. 25. It’s a paid day off work. We go to the movies and then for kosher Chinese food. Chanukah is eight days, starting the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. While observant Jews  track the Jewish calendar carefully, less religious and secular Jews won’t know when that day falls until a non-Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing them to consult a calendar provided free from their kosher butcher or Jewish Funeral Home.

2. Christmas is a major Christian holiday. Chanukah is a minor Jewish holiday. It isn’t mentioned in the Tanach, but was a holiday created by rabbis. That’s not a bad thing, but G-d gave us the really big holidays, and G-d outranks the rabbis. 

3. Christians (and Jews) don’t work on Christmas; regular work schedules apply to Chanukah. Christmas is a national holiday in the United States; almost everybody is off

4. Christians buy and gift ugly sweaters for Christmas. Just like golf is the game of ugly pants, Christmas is the holiday of ugly sweaters. Jewish mothers and wives would never let us wear something that tacky. “Uch! You are not going out of the house wearing THAT!”

5. Christians get wonderful presents (jewelry, perfume, Apple products). The traditional Jewish gift is Chanukah gelt — coins made from chocolate. While in many Jewish households in America kids get eight days of presents, not all of the presents are stuff they want … some days they get practical presents such as pajamas, underwear, socks, and a scholarly Jewish books (which look great on their book shelves).

6. Christmas Black Friday sales go on all night, Chanukah Black Friday sales end at least an hour before sunset.

7. There is only one way to spell Christmas. No one can decide how to spell Chanukah, Chanukkah, Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah, Hannukah, etc. I like to use them all — even in the same article.