Seidemann: Parenting, personally

I don't know if  G-d is a Democrat or a Republican. But one thing I do know for sure is G-d is not a Socialist, a Communist or a Fascist. He does not believe in totalitarianism. G-d does not believe that what is good for one is good for all. In theory and in practice, we are all supposed to comport ourselves along the same highway. But the individual lane that we drive in, the speed at which we operate and the stops we make along the way all are to be tailored to the individual.

It always struck me as odd that the response to the generation that embarked on the building of the Tower of Bavel, was to disperse them across the face of the earth. Not wanting to run out of ideas, G-d could have visited a flood upon earth like he did in the times of Noah or 10 plagues like he did in the times of Pharaoh.

There is much debate between Talmudic scholars as to what precisely were the intentions of the tower builders. Some posit that their intention was to poke a hole in the clouds so that rainwater would gradually fall to the earth, obviating the possibility of a destructive flood in response to future sins. Other Talmudic scholars advance the theory that the tower builders intended to pierce the heavens so that rain would fall freely at their request and not as result of G-d's decision. This would allow them to either sin without fear of retribution or to control the climate without G-d's involvement. Other rabbis argue that their intention was to build a tower so high that the rulers of Babel would be able to see worldwide and thus control the movements of all individuals.

In any event, the common denominator seems to be centralized power, the idea of not having to answer to any higher authority and treating everyone the same. G-d realized the inherent danger in such a society. If everyone were to think exactly alike, or if everyone was forced to think exactly alike, there would be no check and balance system. As soon as the powers that be would impose their point of view they would be free to act with impunity.

Dissenters would either not exist or would be afraid to raise their voice in opposition and the misguided views of the ruling faction would permeate the entire world. As such, G-d's response to the generation of Bavel’s planned tower of communism, socialism, fascism, totalitarianism and atheism was right on the mark. The only possible solution was to disperse them worldwide which resulted in them focusing on problems, ideas, and circumstances germane to their locale. Soon each had individual needs based on their respective individual climates, and sources of food and energy. The tower builders developed different philosophies, languages and beliefs based on their lifestyles.

The only appropriate response to the tower was to create a situation where what was good for one was not good for the other. Man therefore could not control the weather worldwide and the economy. Differing ideas and a robust exchange of dissenting views is necessary and appropriate in order for any society to function in a manner where the best of mankind is creating the best for mankind.

The same mindset is true not only for governments and countries, but also for families. What is good for one child is not necessarily good for the next. The easy way to parent is to treat all children the same — lump them all in the same category and address your children's needs as those of a collective bunch. Such an approach might create a great family but will not create great individual children. When those children leave the house to marry and create children of their own they will not possess the individual talent to create individuals with talent.

A common refrain I hear from my children is that,  “It's not fair to me.” My response, which I believe is correct, is always that it might not be fair to you, but it is fair for you. Getting to know your children's individual strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and individual personalities, is one of the most challenging, yet rewarding, facets of parenthood. I come from a family of eight children and my parents, in addition to taking out time for themselves, would make it a point of taking each one of us for our own individual trip to the local ice cream parlor. The owners of the ice cream parlor must've thought my parents were operating an orphanage — showing up every other day with a different child. Nevertheless the lesson to us as their children was a most important one.

A woman from Jerusalem was in Tel Aviv recently when she went into labor with her 14th child. After the delivery the doctor turned to her and asked, “Was it really necessary to have all 14?” His comment was half in jest but nevertheless touched a nerve in the woman. She immediately called her eldest daughter in Jerusalem and asked her to bring her 12 other siblings to the hospital in Tel Aviv. Somehow, she was able to sneak all of them into the hospital. Dressed in their finest clothing they stood surrounding her bed. She paged the doctor to her room, and as he gazed at all 14 children, the 13 standing around her bed and the one newborn in her arm, the woman asked the doctor, "Which one should I not have had?”

The summer has passed and chalkboards have replaced skateboards. The bicycles have been put away in the shed with the bats and balls. Our children will be spending a lot more time in the home. What a wonderful opportunity to get to know them as individuals.

David Seidemann is a partner with the law firm of Seidemann & Mermelstein.  He can be reached at (718) 692-1013 and at ds@lawofficesm.com.

I don't know if  G-d is a Democrat or a Republican. But one thing I do know for sure is G-d is not a Socialist, a Communist or a Fascist. He does not believe in totalitarianism. G-d does not believe that what is good for one is good for all. In theory and in practice, we are all supposed to comport ourselves along the same highway. But the individual lane that we drive in, the speed at which we operate and the stops we make along the way all are to be tailored to the individual.

It always struck me as odd that the response to the generation that embarked on the building of the Tower of Bavel, was to disperse them across the face of the earth. Not wanting to run out of ideas, G-d could have visited a flood upon earth like he did in the times of Noah or 10 plagues like he did in the times of Pharaoh.

There is much debate between Talmudic scholars as to what precisely were the intentions of the tower builders. Some posit that their intention was to poke a hole in the clouds so that rainwater would gradually fall to the earth, obviating the possibility of a destructive flood in response to future sins. Other Talmudic scholars advance the theory that the tower builders intended to pierce the heavens so that rain would fall freely at their request and not as result of G-d's decision. This would allow them to either sin without fear of retribution or to control the climate without G-d's involvement. Other rabbis argue that their intention was to build a tower so high that the rulers of Babel would be able to see worldwide and thus control the movements of all individuals.

In any event, the common denominator seems to be centralized power, the idea of not having to answer to any higher authority and treating everyone the same. G-d realized the inherent danger in such a society. If everyone were to think exactly alike, or if everyone was forced to think exactly alike, there would be no check and balance system. As soon as the powers that be would impose their point of view they would be free to act with impunity.

Dissenters would either not exist or would be afraid to raise their voice in opposition and the misguided views of the ruling faction would permeate the entire world. As such, G-d's response to the generation of Bavel’s planned tower of communism, socialism, fascism, totalitarianism and atheism was right on the mark. The only possible solution was to disperse them worldwide which resulted in them focusing on problems, ideas, and circumstances germane to their locale. Soon each had individual needs based on their respective individual climates, and sources of food and energy. The tower builders developed different philosophies, languages and beliefs based on their lifestyles.

The only appropriate response to the tower was to create a situation where what was good for one was not good for the other. Man therefore could not control the weather worldwide and the economy. Differing ideas and a robust exchange of dissenting views is necessary and appropriate in order for any society to function in a manner where the best of mankind is creating the best for mankind.

The same mindset is true not only for governments and countries, but also for families. What is good for one child is not necessarily good for the next. The easy way to parent is to treat all children the same — lump them all in the same category and address your children's needs as those of a collective bunch. Such an approach might create a great family but will not create great individual children. When those children leave the house to marry and create children of their own they will not possess the individual talent to create individuals with talent.

A common refrain I hear from my children is that,  “It's not fair to me.” My response, which I believe is correct, is always that it might not be fair to you, but it is fair for you. Getting to know your children's individual strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and individual personalities, is one of the most challenging, yet rewarding, facets of parenthood. I come from a family of eight children and my parents, in addition to taking out time for themselves, would make it a point of taking each one of us for our own individual trip to the local ice cream parlor. The owners of the ice cream parlor must've thought my parents were operating an orphanage — showing up every other day with a different child. Nevertheless the lesson to us as their children was a most important one.

A woman from Jerusalem was in Tel Aviv recently when she went into labor with her 14th child. After the delivery the doctor turned to her and asked, “Was it really necessary to have all 14?” His comment was half in jest but nevertheless touched a nerve in the woman. She immediately called her eldest daughter in Jerusalem and asked her to bring her 12 other siblings to the hospital in Tel Aviv. Somehow, she was able to sneak all of them into the hospital. Dressed in their finest clothing they stood surrounding her bed. She paged the doctor to her room, and as he gazed at all 14 children, the 13 standing around her bed and the one newborn in her arm, the woman asked the doctor, "Which one should I not have had?”

The summer has passed and chalkboards have replaced skateboards. The bicycles have been put away in the shed with the bats and balls. Our children will be spending a lot more time in the home. What a wonderful opportunity to get to know them as individuals. David Seidemann is a partner with the law firm of Seidemann & Mermelstein.  He can be reached at (718) 692-1013 and at ds@lawofficesm.com.

David Seidemann is a partner with the law firm of Seidemann & Mermelstein.  He can be reached at (718) 692-1013 and at ds@lawofficesm.com.