Ask Aviva: why is this panic different?

Dear Aviva,
With Purim now behind us, I am starting to get my usually Post-Purim/Pre-Pesach anxiety attacks. I get so nervous and panicked about having to clean and cook and organize for Pesach, and every time I think, of all that I have to do, I get so overwhelmed. I either don’t do anything at all or take my anxiety out on my family by yelling about some trivial thing. How do I stay calm these next few weeks? I wish I could wiggle my nose and have Pesach get done for me.

- Panicked Pesach Planner

Dear Panicked Pesach Planner,
First of all, we are changing your name to “Pushy Pesach Planner” because once we take the panic out of you, and you learn the right times to push yourself, things will coast smoothly. We do one step at a time (one room, one drawer, one closet) and we push ourselves to start. Once we start, the momentum overcomes us and before you know it, you’re more than halfway through. That’s when you have to push yourself to finish the job. When you finish it and you feel like you want to start another drawer/room/closet, don’t. Instead, go sit down with a nice reward for yourself. A hot drink, a milkshake (my personal panacea for life) a magazine—anything that feels like a treat. Now just sit, breathe and be proud of yourself. Then repeat.
Here’s some pushy no-no’s. We do not push ourselves to organize. Save that for after Pesach. We do not push our bodies if we are sick. We do not push our bodies if we are bone tired (unless it is literally Erev Pesach, but you have enough time to get things done before then.) We do not push our spouses or children in a manner that we would never dream of pushing them during any other season. A woman I know once had a Pre-Pesach experience nightmare. She was planning on having her married children for Yom Tov when one of her daughters suddenly ended up in the ICU with a blood pressure of 60/30 and septic. Aside from the emotional toll this took on the mother, she also had to take in her daughter’s young children while trying to cope and clean. A few days before Pesach, her daughter was conscious and out of the ICU, but still in the hospital with a bag coming out of her kidney. The mother was sitting on her rug at home, playing with her grandchildren with a totally chameitzdik house waiting to become Pesachdik. She kept telling herself a quote from the Lubavitcher Rebbe: “Dirt is not Chameitz and your children are not the Karban Pesach.” Two days before Pesach, the daughter was well enough for the son-in-law to take the grandkids home while the mother cleaned and shopped and cooked. Somehow, it all came together with a focus on the bare minimum.
So, what I’m saying is to keep your eye on the goal: messy and chameitz free. If you feel like you are starting to panic, take that energy and use it productively. We all know there is nothing to fear but fear itself. And there is no better way to discover that than to remove apprehension by turning it into action.
And in case you are wondering how that ill young mother is doing, well, it’s two years later and she’s in her home, perfectly healthy, blinking back tears of gratitude for life and for her super-human mother. Thanks again Mom, for saving Pesach.

-Aviva

Aviva Rizel is a Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice who can be reached at AvivaRizel.MFT@gmail.com.