Dear Aviva,
I’m fortunate to have a number of close relationships with friends, family, and colleagues. The depths of those relationships are the reward for my investments of emotional honesty. I find that in general, even with people I’m not close with, breaking through superficial politeness to be genuine goes a long way, whether with sincere thanks, a pointed compliment, or sharing something personal about me. It often takes relationships to a new level.

It’s become easy for me to open up to people, but sometimes I feel like I over-share. Friends and family have told me I don’t need to put myself all out there all the time, and I get that it can be dangerous to be too vulnerable, but I think it won’t usually cause much damage. Should I back off more? How do I find a balance?

-T.M.I

Dear TMI,
Ok, well you are off to a good start because you were able to tell me your problem without creeping me out. Great job!
Yes, being open is a good thing, an essential thing for an honest, flexible life, and a vital ingredient in any healthy relationship. Too much openness is, well, as you called yourself, too much information.
Can this be dangerous? Definitely. If you are wearing your heart on your sleeve while you are tying your shoelaces, someone is bound to innocently step on it.
When my 6 year-old finds his younger sibling playing with his new prize in the living room, I tell him (in 6 year-old language), “Don’t leave personal items in a public domain.” Is the younger sibling to blame? We know that 2 year-olds will say “Mine!” and then proceed to claim (read: grab) any interesting item they spot. So let’s anticipate and protect those items that should not be grubbied up. I also tell my kids that if there is something that they don’t want to share with a guest, they should put it in the closet before the guest arrives.