Ask Aviva: Precious Princess

Dear Aviva,

I am 8 years old.  My first problem is that I want to be famous and I'm not. My second problem is that all my friends' mom and dad let them do all sorts of stuff, but my mommy and daddy don't. Like, watch certain shows, go outside by themselves, read certain stuff and let them do stuff by themselves. Most of my friends have their own room too. I don't.

I told my mom and dad that I want to do stuff like my friends, too, but they don't understand me.  So then I just sit and think of a better way to explain it to them, but nothing comes into my mind.

They try to understand me, but then they end up doing the stuff that I don't really care about so much. Like, they sometimes want me to babysit my brother for 10 minutes while they're in the house. Or they would tell me to stay inside by myself for 3 minutes while they talk to a neighbor. They're trying to help me but I don't want to do those things. Well, I guess I could do that stuff, but there's other stuff that I want to do more.

Could you help me get them do the other stuff that I really want to do?

-Princess

Dear Princess,

Wow, these sound like very big problems that we need to talk about. I'm going to try my hardest to help you out, Princess.

Let's first talk about the problem you have with your parents.

You sound very smart. You know what you want and that's great! Now let's try to find a way for your parents to be able to give you what you want.

It sounds like your parents are really cool because they're trying to understand you and let you do very big things. Most kids don't start babysitting until they're much, much older. You sound like a very good babysitter whom your parents trust. But the problem is that you want to do other big-kid things that they're not letting you do.

You're doing the right thing by talking to your parents and telling them what you want. Instead of telling them everything that you want, think of just one thing that you want. This one thing has to be something that you think they might allow. Maybe there is a book that you really want to read and your parents don't let. Ask them respectfully and politely if they could read the book themselves and then decide if it is appropriate.

Remember, your parents are not making up rules just to make you sad. There is a reason that they don't let you do everything. If your parents check out a book and still say that it's not okay, then ask them to tell you which book they would allow. There are tons of cool books out there.

Oh! I just thought of the best idea! Maybe one of your parents can take you and a bunch of your friends out for pizza or ice cream. Wouldn't it be cool if your parent stood away from you guys in the store and let you guys order for yourself and sit at your own table?!

Ask your parents if they would be okay with that. They might think it's a good idea, or they might think that it's a bad idea. If they think that it's a bad idea, you might feel very disappointed. After you are feeling better, you should really talk to them. Tell them that you feel like you are ready to start doing more things by yourself.

(The word for "doing things by yourself" is "independent"- in-da-pen-dent.) Ask them to help you think of something to make you a little more independent that you would be happy with and they would be comfortable with.

Sometimes your parents might upset you when they don't let you do things. It might look like your friends are allowed to do all the fun stuff and you're not. I want you to know that your friends also aren't allowed to do everything they want. And your friends also get disappointed when their parents say no. Try to think about the things that you are allowed to do, and try to do those things more. Like, if you are allowed to call your friends on the phone, see if you can do that more often.

One more thing, Princess: Even if your parents don't let you do the things that you are asking for, I still think they are totally cool because there is something that your parents let you do that none of your friends have done. You are the only 8 year-old who has ever written to me. You are the only kid whose letter was ever published in this column. And now you've even solved your first problem all by yourself - enjoy your 15 minutes of fame!

-Aviva